Waiting to Hatch

So, yea I should be in bed, but I'm still studying for Pre-Cal (even though I really don't think it's helping) and I can't sleep because I was at a coffeehouse for 2 1/2 hours tonight and when you spend that much time in that kind of environment, you consume a good bit of caffine. So anyway, I decided that I would write a blog. It will be interesting to see how this turns out considering that I've been in a bad mood for about 5 days now (and no, it's not because of biological reasons). Oh, and just to let you know/warn you/apologize, when I'm in a bad mood I tend to get really paranoid and even more sensitive than I am naturally. So, if I've been weird lately, I'm sorry.

You may ask, "why has shari been in a such a bad mood?" Well, see it's not that my mood is extremely bad, I'm not ticked off at the world or anything. I've just been less than happy for 5 days now and that's a lot for me. So now you may ask,"Why has Shari been less than happy for 5 days now?" (You're persistent.) Well, I guess I will tell you. (That is assuming that someone actually reads this thing.) Last week was Spring Break. For the most part it was really good. I had an absolute blast in Disney World and I got to hang out with some of my favorite people at Furman, Anderson, and other random places. Well, here was the difficult part. I wasn't just hanging out at Furman and Anderson, I was doing college visits. I was a "perspective." (Don't you just love when you get denoted from a proper noun to a simple noun?) Well, my visits weren't really what I had expected. And that was mainly because of what everyone else expected from me. At Furman I was intimidated. I'm not gonna lie, I love Furman, but somehow my visit didn't make me want to rush to fill out an application. So after that, I was expecting Anderson to be a breath of fresh air. I went in thinking, "People always say I'm the weirdest one in the family, maybe it would be good for me to not go to the same school that the rest of my family has gone to." Well, Anderson didn't really wow me either. I don't know, maybe it was because it felt more like a web of concoxions connections rather than a college visit.

Now I would like to say that I hope I haven't offended any of the parties mentioned. I love all dearly and you must realize that this was just how I felt on those particular days. Yea, see, I'm synical and paranoid at the same time. I told you I act weird when I've been in a bad mood.

The whole college visit thing kind of sent me into a mini-panic. All of the sudden I felt like I had to immediately figure out my lifeplan. And at the same time make it fit everyone else's plan that they had created for me. And I mean everyone, my friends, my family, Dr. Joiner, Dr. Stern, Dr. What'shisnamethaticouldn'tpronouncecorrectly. Questions started to creep into my head. What kind of grades do I need? What will my audition piece be? How much time between now and December can I really devote to perfecting another piece? What will people think of me if I'm the only one in my family that doesn't get into Furman? What if I don't know anyone at Anderson? What if I get to college and decide I'm at the wrong school? And billions of other (slightly more personal) questions were wizzing around my head. How in the world am I going to get through all this?


"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Phillipians 4:13

Isn't it interesting and sad how trying to be "prepared" can veer you straight away from God's vision?
Oh, and don't worry about me, I'll snap out of the bad mood soon enough.

Love y'all, and may God truly bless you.

posted by Shari @ 9:51 PM