Bowling
There are sometimes that I still am shocked by the fact that I have responsibility. I'm not supposed to be old enough to be in charge of my life. And there are many days that I hope when I wake up in the morning I could be back in kindergarten when I was considered one of the "smart" kids. (Just in case anyone doesn't already know this, at Furman no one is smart. If even if you are a perfect student you still know nothing! And none of us are doing our best! Ok, sorry back to my point) But I've also realized that part of being an "adult" and a college student is knowing when to be irresponsible. For example, I have a paper due tomorrow. I've worked on it some but am not even half way done. After our leadership team meeting tonight we got a call. An invitation to go bowling. Several other people on leadership are in the same english class as I am and most of them have less done on their paper (or possibly nothing). I insisted that we go (um, it's fellowship) and persuaded my friends to go. This probably seems irresponsible, but I still think it was a wonderful decision. Bowling alleys are special places, because you can find all types of people in bowling alleys. College students, bowling teams, teenagers who aren't allowed to go anywhere else, people who are amazing and bowl like all the stinkin time, people who view the bowling alley as their own personal bar, and even cute little chubby asian kids (there was one in the lane next to us :D). There's also something about a bowling alley that makes me talk louder, laugh harder, and cheer for almost any number of pins left in the lane. It's just wonderful. I will inform you though, that being the stressed out, "our life is so hard here at one of the best and prettiest schools in the state" students that we are, there were some text books and flash cards that were brought along. Ooh, I also want to tell you that I was one pin away from getting a turkey! That really had nothing to do with the whole "irresponsible is sometimes good" point that I'm trying to make, but I still want people to know. Anyway, I guess I'm saying all this to encourage people to relax sometimes. So yea, I'll probably get a little less sleep tonight and might not feel the greatest tomorrow, but if those are my main problems, then I'm doing pretty good.
*I want to add a disclaimer that I don't throw papers to the side all the time. And that responsibility is a good thing. Just give yourselves a break sometimes. Ok, that's all.
Needtobreathe, mostly.
I can't remember how many blogs I've started in my mind the past couple months, but this is the first one to actually make it to a screen. But don't get your hopes up for something amazing. I just have a little extra time. That's not true. I should be working, but I kind of have time, my computer works, my brain is really full of stuff and I won't be able to focus on anything else until I empty it somewhat.
Last night I made a last minute decision to go to the Needtobreathe concert. It was $10 and I'm working a lot less this term, so it took a lot of convincing to write that check. But I'm happy to say, it was completely worth it. These guys are very talented musicians and obviously love what they do. They are one of my favorite bands for many reasons. But what really impressed me last night was their humility. I've never seen anyone perform with so much appreciation. The lead singer and drummer both graduated from Furman. This is where their music started, and now they were getting to play here for hundreds of screaming fans where just a few years ago they were in our seats watching big names like Dave Matthews. It's comforting to know that sometimes dreams to come true. And I'm not talking about cheesy Disney World dreams (I do love Disney World though). It's also comforting to see someone achieve those dreams without getting a big head. I was a little afraid last night that they wouldn't play "Signature of Divine." It's one of their most popular songs, but it has an obviously Christian message. Now, there are a lot of Christians at Furman, but it's very rare that we are ever united as believers. We tend to stick to our groups. It's sad but true. Thankfully they did play it. And I know I'm kind of an emotional person (only slightly :D) but it almost brought tears to my eyes to hear a large group of people screaming, "Yahweh, yahweh, Great is your glory," on our campus without any shame or persecution. Now, I know that some of those people really had no idea what they were saying, but it was still an incredible blessing in which I could just feel the glory of God.
I have lots more thoughts in my head, but I really have to do some homework. This was a nice little release, and thankfully I have some friends that will listen to my ramblings, questions, and realizations and still love me and at least pretend that I haven't bored them to death. Oh, and to everyone that I've been saying I can't drive because my car was due for an oil change 200 miles ago, I accidently read it wrong. It was due for an oil change 2,000 miles ago. So I really really can't drive.
Chillipepper!
Yay! I'm actually writing a blog again. Sunday night, I got back from Chillipepper. If you don't know what that is, just ask me sometime. It was very exciting for me because my favorite band was there (Jars of Clay!) not to mention it's usually my favorite weekend out of the whole year. There's something about seeing old friends and campers in an environment of organized chaos and complete exhaustion that just warms my soul. Sadly, I didn't get to "learn" a whole lot. I was always either taking pictures or just somehow missed the speakers. But the weekend did confirm my desire and hopefully calling to somehow be fully vocationally envolved in ministry. (I say "hopefully" because the calling part is still confusing) It was also an exciting weekend for me because of the worship. The most involved way that I worship is through singing along. It's something that I'm passionate about. At Furman, I don't get to do that very often at all. I'm involved in BCM but we've had a little trouble getting stuff organized this year. So far there has been very little music. And I don't go to a church where I really get that either. DecembeRadio did a great job in leading worship and I was incredibly thankful for that. You know how sometimes in friendships lots of things change, and the friendship still grows and is fruitful but you don't get to have those fits of laughter or do whatever activity it was that brought you together. But then when you randomly get that chance to do that activity, it's just so joyous and comforting. That was me and God this weekend. I hadn't strayed or pulled away from God, but there was so much going in my life that was new. And God was there for all that, but this weekend I got to relax and I could just worship and enjoy God remember the reasons why I loved him so much in the first place. I was talking to one of my friends about that this weekend, and could only describe that feeling as being right on the edge of tears because I was so thankful to be in a place where the worship was clear to me. I'm not really sure if this makes sense really to anyone but me.
-Ok I have to make a quick interupption to say that Carol, the sweet elderly man that works as the janitor in the chapel, (oh yea I'm at work right now) just explained to me how when it's windy, leaves blow in the door. And it doesn't just happen at one door. It happens at the door down the hall too. And the more the door opens, the more the leaves come in. And that's one way you can tell it's windy. Ok, I'll continue now. :)
Another thing I experienced at Chillipepper was lots of people asking me if I had found a boyfriend since arriving at Furman. I'm not really sure why people associate college with finding a boyfriend, but they do. And I don't say this because I was annoyed or anything, I acutally found it kind of funny. But because of all this, I started thinking about dating. (I mean more than usual for an 18 year old single girl, because it kind of comes up a lot anyway) I don't usually discuss this in my blogs because I don't necessarily want everyone to know what I think about dating, but I'm probably not going to say anything too shocking, so I figure it's ok. First of all, I have not found a boyfriend because I am not searching for a boyfriend. I'm the type of person believes that I should try your best to live as God wants me to, and one day God will bless me with a wonderful amazing godly guy that will somehow care for me enough to make it so I don't have to chase after him. And that day could come tomorrow or 10 years from tomorrow (I'd prefer the first of those two) but that is what I'm trying to do. And an important reason for why I'm saying this is for some of my friends. It's really easy to think that if you are single there is something horribly wrong with you. I've heard a lot of girls say this and it isn't true. Yes, we all have our flaws but we are still beautiful creatures of God and recipients of grace. Ok, I'll step off my soapbox now.
One last thing that is probably only humorous to me. On the way to Chillipepper (while getting slightly lost) we came across a street named Fred King. I mean seriously, Fred King? Who names a street Fred King?
List time!
Basically I say the things that are bugging me to get them out of my system and then replace them with thoughts of happy things. :)
What I'm not liking right now:
-Music Technology
-Melodic and Harmonic Dictations
-the music library
-juries (not jury duty...it's a music thing)
-the number of people saying I look tired
-looking tired
-not having enough time to all 3 meals...or even 2
-excessive wind
Things I'm loving right now:
-Andy Davis (coming to the Handlebar Dec. 6!)
-random video taping
-coffee, hot tea, and hot chocolate
-Christmas music
-being done with the Messiah concert
-amazing people that do things like bring me Cheerwine or call just to see how I'm doing or make me pretty signs to encourage me and therefore...
-amazing wonderful friends and family...
-and their patient understanding of how i act when i'm stressed/tired
-dinner with old friends
-going to school in the mountains
-Christmas parades
-laughing out of delirium
-Christmas movies
-EVM
-Moravian lovefeasts
-having really good conversations about God and faith and life
-Pianta dancing
Ahh! I feel so much better!
Here goes...
This blog is mainly just to say a lot of things that I've been thinking/ give explanations for some of my shorts answers to the question, "how are you doing?" And the reason my answers have been so short is because I've been so busy. I know all college students are busy, but even the girls on my hall complain that I'm never around, and I live with them. (But I have been trying to be around more lately because the girls on my hall are absolutely amazing :D ) On the actual question of how I'm doing. It's a complicated answer. First of all, I love Furman. I'm so glad I am going to school here. It is an absolutely beautiful camps. I get to watch a sunset over a lake backed by mountains almost every day. And God has placed some wonderful people in my life that I'm so excited to just keep getting to know better and better. It is really hard. I mean, it ranked #37 on U.S. News' list of best liberal arts colleges in the nation (there are 266 total..oh and Wofford is #59... I couldn't resist). But it's a great school and I'm very happy with my choice. The violin part of me isn't as happy, but that's really personal/if you don't play an instrument you might not understand. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it. That's all I'll say on that for now. Now to the real heart of the story. My spirituality. Intelectually, it has grown a ton. I'm in a program called Exploration of Voacational Ministries, or EVM, that has stretched and pulled my mind a lot. Some issues that I had just decided I wasn't going to deal with thinking about anymore because they were too painful have resurfaced and actually have had some positive directing to clarity. But my personal relational side of my faith has suffered, and tonight I was finally able to pinpoint a couple of reasons why. The first has been a lack of accountability. I was in a discipleship group for 7 years. That group meant so much to me and provided almost constant accountability for most of high school. I guess I didn't really think that I would have to go find that once I got to Furman. I've also yet to find my groove of growth. (alliteration!) Something that's really important to me is worshiping God. I love to sing. Most people back home probably think I'm at Furman to sing rather than play the violin. I love just losing myself in a song and finding who I want to be in God's arms and beauty. And I got to do that a lot back home. Sadly, that has only really happened once or twice since I've been at Furman. Due to some changes in the way things are run and just my crazy schedule I haven't been able to experience that as much. I know there are other ways to worship God, but let's be honest, I'm human and singing in a group of people with a guitar or something is my favorite. I went to an FCA worship thing on the chapel steps tonight on a whim. I've never gone to anything FCA or had really planned on it, but I did with a couple of friends. In the midst of all the float building we had a worship service on the steps of the chapel and it was beautiful. I was able to reach that special connection with God again. It's like my little special secret with God...except not because lots of people like to sing, but you know what I mean. And we had a prayer time that was great and helpful. Another reason I've been struggling a little bit is because friendships change. When I started college, I felt a little like I'd been thrown out into the ocean and I tried to use some of my friends here at Furman and nearby and not so nearby as life support. You can't keep all your friendships in perfect condition. I feel like I've been learning this for the past 6 months but it's kind of important to learn I guess, no matter how painful that lesson can be. Please, don't read this as I've lost all my friends. That's definitely not true. I have some incredible friends, new and old. But like I said, sometimes things change and when you're trying to adjust to lots of new things, comfortable things changing knocks the wind out of you. Because of that I didn't want to deal with stuff. I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts, I didn't want to sit down and pray to try and sort stuff out or figure out what God wanted with all this changing, I just wanted to pretend that nothing had changed. I felt like moving out of my house and having all the responsibilities and meeting new people was change enough. But even with all this change, God blessed me even though I did nothing to deserve it. I know this blog is really personal and I kind of feel like I've just spilled a good portion of me out on a table for everyone to see. But I guess this is my way of being honest with myself. I sometimes can't believe or comprehend something unless I tell someone else. Tonight at that worship service I was broken before God, and that's exactly what I needed and wanted. When I left I kept thinking, "Ok, Shari, what are you going to do to not just let this be a temporary emotional high." So I guess this is what I'm doing for that. I want to add that I don't want anyone to think I'm unhappy. I'm actually really really happy. I've kind of surprised myself at how happy I've been with my stress level, but yes I am really happy. I'm just basically saying it's time to suck it up and officially adjust and get some things back to where they need to be. Wow, this was long. If you made it this far, I applaud you, haha.
So tonight I went downtown for some much needed Spill the Beans with some of the most fun and hilarious people I know (3 of the residents of F206). And let me just say, that ice cream really does fix problems, even if it just temporary. Filled with jay-walking and awkwardness, the majority of the evening was really fun. We discovered that even with 4 napkins spread over my lap, I can still manage to get ice cream all over my pants. On our way back to the car we were informed about a protest/rally (neither of those are quite the best words to describe) of people holding signs saying things like, "Repent!" and the "Wages of sin is death!" and other signs that were very condemning. They were standing on one side of the street and a lot of other people were watching them from across the street. There was a lot of shouting going on as well. We watched two ladies try and challenge these preachers (they weren't all preachers, but at this hour I'm not sure what word to use that would be appropriate) by holding hands and screaming, "I love this woman!" I almost don't want to describe the scene with too much detail because it was almost sickening watching people divided by a street and signs and yell at each other. And people just kept getting either angry or were mocking. I mean, nothing bad was going to happen, there were police present and no signs that violence would break out, but we saw cars drive by with middle fingers sticking out and some pretty heated discussions going on. I guess I'm writing this just to say that it was a big reminder of how important it is to really love people. Not to shout half a Bible verse at them, or point out their flaws that we feel are holding them back from God, but love them how they are. Accountability is important, but judgement is not something that I need to put into practice, especially considering that I'm a screw-up too! It just kind of broke my heart to see so much division and desire to "win." At some point, some people convinced the police to tell the evangelical (still not quite sure what word to use) to move and they started shouting back across the street excitedly, "They're leaving! We got them to leave!" like the whole thing was a game or competition. We really just wanted to go around hugging everyone to try and create some love in the atmosphere. I guess my main point, which I'm trying to say delicately to make sure I don't accidentally say anything I don't mean to (I have a problem with that) , is love people. Because God loves you and me and them and everyone. So yea. Love, because in my simple mind, things seem to work better that way and it seems like that's how God intended things.
Furman
I'm writing this blog because many people have asked how Furman is, and I haven't really had adequate time to explain to anyone. So here it is. Furman is going really well, actually a lot better than I expected. Some of you may know that I was really nervous about going to college. Fewer of you know that I spend many nights this summer stressing/freaking out about my next 4 years here. I was honestly terrified. Ok, so the first night was really rough, and parts of O-week (that's what we call orientation for you non-Paladins) were extremely awkward. But things started to look up very quickly. First of all, I have a really fun hall. There's not a girl on my hall at this point that I could say I don't like. There's a square/rectangle of us on our end that share very common beliefs about God and our relationship with him and that's been amazing and encouragin. Also, most of our little block has a bit of an obsession with The Office. And when I say a bit, I mean I've probably watched The Office almost everyday I've been here...which is 13 days. and it usually ends up being like 6 of us that watch it. It's pretty much amazing. I also really like my classes for the most part. I've discovered that Spanish is a whole lot easier after you've learned it once before (I'm in the advanced beginner class, so I'm kind of getting to start over). Music History is really really interesting and I actually, surprisingly, found myself liking Music Theory today. So far all we've done in Music Technology is learn how to use a mac, which was kind of boring, but we get to play with gadgets. It's also really nice to be playin in a college orchestra. It's challenging, and we aren't every treated like idiots. It's productive and actually really enjoyable. Another thing I've discovered is the lake is really peaceful. Eating breakfast by yourself by a huge window overlooking the lake is a great way to start a morning. A few weeks ago I went to visit one of my best friends at Anderson, the college I almost went to. After spending an afternoon there, I knew that I wouldn't have been happy there at all. The atmosphere is just totally different and I can't praise God enough for leading me to the right choice, even though I wasn't sure of that until almost 2 days after i got here. So I guess the main point of this is to say praise God. He is so faithful. I could talk about that for a lot longer, but I do have some homework to finish. I hope all you are seeing God's glory.
