My Name is Earl/The Office
I know I have a bad habit of just putting lots of quotes in my blogs....but you can get over that, right?These two shows absolutely crack me up in their own special ways so I thought I'd put some of my favorite quotes in here. I hope you enjoy! (And well, if you don't, I'm having enough fun reading them as I put them in)
My Name is Earl:
Earl: How was your first day of school?
Randy: Great! I really enjoyed science class. Did you know that before we were humans we were monkeys?
Earl: Really? What were we before monkeys?
Randy: I don't know. I can't even remember being a monkey.
Darnell: Here's the food.
Earl: Thanks, Crabman.
Darnell: Hey, I've been thinking about coming up with another phrase for when I drop off the food.
Earl: I have no opinion on that.
Darnell: Yeah, it's tricky.
Randy: I like 'Here's the food," 'cause that's what's happening.
Earl: Randy was not stuck in a chimney, which is good, because it means he learned his lesson from the last two times.
Donny Jones: (to Earl)No if you'll excuse me, I've gotta help a prayer buddy in the garage. When he showed up I thought he was speaking in tongues, but it turns out he was just back on the stuff.
(To the woman at the floral shop.)
Randy: Ma'am, these vases always gonna make that sound when I'm drying them. The squeakin' makes my toes hurt.
Randy: Look at his hands Earl. They're like lobsters. But without the rubber bands to stop him from biting us with his hands.
Randy: If you make friends with anybody, make friends with the tall guy. I know where there's a frisbee stuck in a tree.
Earl: You know, I bet there are a lot of girls out there that would like the real Randy.
Randy: All I need is one. One that hates cats, and birds, and pickles, dill pickles not the bread and butter kind. And Wednesdays, she's gotta hate Wednesday's too.
Earl: We got to Hendersonville late because Randy turned the directions into a paper airplane to see if it would lift the car off the ground. It didn't and we lost the directions.
Joy: My deaf lawyer said that if I could pass a lie detector test saying I didn't steal that truck, it'll help my case. So I stole this old one from a swap-meat.
Earl: Look! Shampoo that's not tested on animals. I feel bad for those lab animals running around with dirty hair, but if it's better for the environment, that's the sacrifice they have to make.
The Office:
Michael Scott: Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?
Dwight Schrute: Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I'm being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, I'm going wherever they value loyalty the most.
Oscar: Both my parents were born in Mexico, and they moved to the United States a year before I was born, so I grew up in the United States... my parents were Mexican.
Michael Scott: Wow, that is a great story. That's the American dream right there, right? Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive?
Dwight Schrute: I come from a long line of fighters, my maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran. He killed twenty men and then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp... My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life... different kind of fight.
Dwight Schrute: I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
Michael Scott: That is a perfectly good mini Christmas tree. We are going to sell that to charity because that is what Christmas is all about.
Pam Beesley: Jim cannot speak until he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of Jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid.
Stanley: Collard.
Michael Scott: What?
Stanley: They're called "collard" greens.
Michael Scott: No, no. That's offensive. They're not called "collard" people.
Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? I will not donate my winnings to Comic Relief, since apparently, it doesn't exist. I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Jim Halpert: The aid to Afghanistan?
Michael Scott: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael Scott: What?
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael Scott: That's a dog.
Pam Beesley: No, that's "afghan."
Michael Scott: That's a shawl.
Dwight Schrute: Canine AIDS?
Creed: Humans with AIDS.
Dwight Schrute: Who has AIDS?
Jim Halpert: Guys, the Afghanistanannis.
Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? No. No. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried.
posted by Shari @ 7:50 PM
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