A List!!!
Ok, most of you know how theraputic (I think) these lists are for me. And it was either this or go for a run...and I really don't feel like fixing my hair again so I decided upon this.
Things I'm Really Not Liking Right Now:
-headaches, they occur way to often
-cold weather!
-pre-cal
-us history
-auditions, they're no fun
-my knee
-my cell phone battery
-tripping
-confrontations gone wrong
-shopping for hours without finding anything
-getting up early, it's really starting to annoy me
-grades
Things That I am Loving Right now:
-anything and everything that reminds me of summer
-birds chirping in the mornings
-"A Voice Calling Out" by Bethany Dillon
-"Breathe (2am)" by Anna Nalick
-"Somewhere Over the Rainbow" sung by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
-fun random phone conversatoins
-people that don't get annoyed with my random phone conversations! haha
-pictures!!!!
-my wonderful friends!!
-random outings with my wonderful friends
-dancing (random or planned)
-Spring Break is coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-I'm going to Disney World soon!!!!!!!!!!
-I'm gonna get to hang out at Furman soon!!!!!!!!!!
-Did I mention that I'm going to disney world in a few days?
-Summer is like 2 months away!
-Relaxing music
-Warm starry nights
-Driving on warm starry nights or having really good conversations on warm starry nights, but not inside because that kind of defeats the purpose of the warm starry night
-God's blessings and merciful grace!
So, it's been like a month since I last wrote on this thing. I'm not going to lie, the past month has not been easy. And since it's been a month, that means that I've got a lot stored up. There's your warning...
Lately, two words that I've been thinking a lot about are perfection and failure. They aren't opposites of each other, but in some ways they go hand in hand, that is if you set perfection as the standard. The word "perfection" does not mean "no mistakes" to me, because no one will ever completely achieve that. To me, it's what you should be. It's the standard that has been set for you. What is expected of you. Some may say that I am completely changing the meaning of perfection, and that's ok. This is just what it has meant to me lately. So what is failure? Not reaching perfection. Falling far from perfection. Or more specifically, having people be disappointed in you. Knowing that maybe you didn't try your absolute hardest, but you still gave an effort, you still tried, you didn't completely give up, you still tried to maintain the standard that is just rawly you, and still came crashing down with the sounds of sighs from those you disappointed and the rolling of eyes that comes with their disbelief of your effort. You drowned while gasping for air but you can't blame anyone but yourself. You aren't going to get any pity and you don't expect any. The only thing that will be said is, "Well, you brought in on yourself." That is failure.
It's a horrible feeling. One that makes it so you can only be completely honest with God. When people have held the opinion of you that you're smart, or talented, or that you have it all together, you don't want to ruin that opinion. You don't want to admit to them, "Yea, none of that's really true." You can't hide anything from God, and when you have the feeling of failure, it makes you think He is the only one who could possibly still love you as much as before. Still welcome you with loving arms. Others may say, that's not true, they'll always love you. But that doesn't mean you always believe them. I guess in a way failure is a good thing. It's a reminder. It's like someone saying, "Look, if you didn't have God in your life, that's all you would be."
Failing is one of those things that most people don't like to talk about. I guess it comes our childhood days of pee-wee baseball or Upward basketball where everyone gets a star or a small plastic trophy because, "Everyone's a winner!" Not that it's a bad thing to make every child feel special, but the subject tends to make people uncomfortable. I'm a person that would rather be honest with myself, and not try to disguise the way I really think. Anyway, enough about failure...
I think I've figured out one reason why teenagers seem to be so confusing. We're confused. Authority figures in general expect us to act like we are 20, but treat us like we're 10. It happens everywhere. I mean, I know that the teenage mind generally works as combination of maturity and immature. But come on. If we are treated like we're 10, we're going to act like we're ten, which just disappoints people more when they have the expectations of us to act like we're 20. I'm not saying that discipline should be completely ruled out. Just that self-discipline should be more encouraged. Because honestly, discipline just usually makes a teenager even more angry. Speaking of self-discipline, I guess I should stop ranting to try to do some homework.
Sorry, y'all had to see a less sunny side of me, but lately that's just how I've felt. But I still hope everyone has a fantastic day, because those are more fun
